To this day...

In our house we still commemorate a classic Ian Brown moment in history by (probably sic) quoting "I'll chop yer fuckin' 'ands off" in a scally accent. There's a variety of occasions where this gem can be used, but my favourite is under your breath, directed at the kids whilst requesting they improve their behaviour.

Ian Brown's alleged threat was pre 911, yet it was still taken seriously, not just laughed at for how outrageous it was. Were they actually concerned he was going to carry out this task? With his in-flight cutlery?

Things have moved on since. We now have Twitter, where the fact you've written it means it's a contract bound by law and the feds can get all Judge Dredd on yo ass.

The progressive move into deeper political correctness and, basically, censorship of free speech, has resulted in people who don't "like" something actually having the power to waste countless working hours of lawyers' clerks. And I'm pretty sure that's bad for all of us; rats and sinking ships and stuff.

For a long time now, I've thought a test case may arise where some ambulance-chaser-fueled, perpetually frowning individual would actually be told to "fuck off and get a life". This would lead to an exponential reversal of mindset, and no longer would the claimers be entitled to any of their 100% of the compensation.

This hasn't happened.

And that makes me want to complain.

I got reminded I had a blog.

As is the apparent norm, it's been over 2 years since this, my one and only blog, has been updated. The last post, so blogger lets me know helpfully, was on 7th September 2010. And that's crap. Some photos of things we are and do. You occasionally receive a reminder on the complexity of the human brain. If you are lucky enough to hear someone sleep talking, the fruits delivered don't disappoint. Yesterday evening, I woke my four-year-old to get him in his pyjamas , he'd been asleep for five minutes. He groaned a bit, stared straight ahead then closed his eyes again after clearly announcing "hilarious". By far the best sleep sentence I have ever heard was; "Get the euphonium, the armadillo men are coming." On a somewhat related note, how crazy is it that your wife is often in a bad mood with you all day because of something you did in their dream? See, now look what's happened; I was going to write about "not wearing cycling clothing".

Moustache vigilantism

On the theme of taking control of our urban spaces, here's something else I believe we should all give serious consideration to.

I am particularly fond of these guys' mission statement, which reads:
"We are upper lip vigilantes with a world vision of peace and moustaches for all."

Yarn Bombing

I saw this reposted on a friends fb page, and I thought "that's good enough to reblog, that is!":

Bummer

LEBOWSKI
As you can see, it is a ransom note.
Sent by cowards. Men who are unable
to achieve on a level field of play.
Men who will not sign their names.
Weaklings. Bums.

THE DUDE EXAMINES THE FAX:

WE HAVE BUNNY. GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED NON-CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. NO FUNNY STUFF.

DUDE
Bummer.

Sometimes a sequence of events takes you into a situation where you've lost control.
People react to this in different ways.
Some people look back and attempt to analyse what brought them to the circumstance.

Some folk attempt to use their analysis to assist changing the circumstance.
Some don't have any interest in how circumstances develop.
Some folk claim "fate" to be their guiding force.
Some people carve their own future, and don't ever look back.
Then there's the Dude.
He can't change history and he's not aware what influence he could possibly have on the future.
He lives in the Now.

Asking for trouble

Several months back I made a decision. It started inside me as deep self-annoyance, culminating in the most "fence getting-off" I've done in a long time.
I didn't expect such internal conflict and angst when first entering the local eco-café . I was with boyo, asleep in his Bugaboo. I weaved past crowded tables, carefully pushing chairs out of the way for the buggy, to take my place in the small queue. I took a mo to check on sleepboy, and when I turned back, three hairy student band types had moved into the queue, so self absorbed with their hipness that they appeared to be strongly body-languaging that I was never in any queue. So I body-languaged back into position. This was blatantly ignored by the hairiest of the skinny-jeaned trio, who placed his effeminate coffee order.

I thought; "Ok, you can be next, but I'M having the sofa" (I was meeting my bro). So I moved sleepboy in Bugaboo over to the leather lounge area and rejoined the queue after The Kings of Leon.

And yes, they took their lattes over to the sofa, the third one looking distinctly awkward as he balanced past the buggy, commenting and gesturing to his chums.

I had it all planned, the intelligent sarcasm I was going to unleash upon them... I had time to plan it, and no excuse.

But I didn't, I just got the boyo and pushed past several chairs to a non-cosy table in the centre of the café. All Hanson got was a Paddington hard stare.

The decision I made was to not be so British... so reserved, and accepting of mild to moderate inconvenience, rudeness and selfishness. I felt so annoyed... at ME, for being such a wuss.

I decided from this point on, I will always exert my ego...mainly to make other people notice what's going on beyond their bubble.

Maybe even if this means I'm asking for trouble.

Zon

Zon is the title my brother creatively gave to the World of Cheese on Toast.

This world is one I lived in for several years, and contrary to common misconception, Zon expands your mind.

In the quest for perfect Zon, such diverse store ingredients are sought, and such fridge delights are held in high esteem.

Historical companions to mild Cheddars, Vintage Mature Cheddars, Red Leicesters and Double Gloucesters have included:

Celery and Celery Salt
Fresh Pineapple in huge quantities
Banana and Raisin
Leftover Vegemince-based Curry/Chilli
Cherry Tomatoes placed after toasting, and squashed into the melted cheese stack.
Anchovies and Wholegrain Mustard.

I've omitted Tuna, Onions and Beans owing to their ubiquity.

I'm guilty of applying butter to the toast 99% of the time.